A Buddhist Monk is always a Mother’s son and I am no exception. The duties of a Monk’s life carry him far away from home at times, often for years on end. One thing is a constant, you never stop thinking about your Mother, you know where you came from. Life begat life and that is always a point to remember and honor.
Sickness visits everyone, my Mother has had more than her share and in her seventh decade the visitor has returned in the form and shape of a deadly cancer. The biopsies give it a name of Malignant Mixed Mullerian Tumor commonly called MMMT. A rare form of cancer that is aggressive with a prognosis in this case described as catastrophic.
I have spent a good part of my life attempting to help people, not always successful and far from perfect. I can not even count the number of people I have comforted when facing the death of someone they love. The one thing I always tried to offer was hope, even if in the form of your loved one will no longer have to suffer. Hearing the words directed at myself were a numbing experience.
I have seen people die, I have stood beside Mothers, Fathers, Daughters, Sons, Brothers and Sisters as they watched life slip away. I have been with people in my family who have passed away. I would have thought I would be able to accept this with peace and understanding.
Sadly, life is not always peaceful and understanding. A beautiful young woman who wanted to get away from home, married and realized the warnings of her friends were true far too late. ‘Your life will be sad and full of sorrow if you stay with that person.’ Amazing how people can see so clearly what some refuse to see one foot in front of them. This same young woman finds herself with a child, hoping life will improve but it does not.
No help from family, no help at home, just constant berating and suffering. Years of this will cause the young child to grow up and run away from home as quickly as he feet can carry him, much like the young woman years ago. The young man went overseas and through the years found the face of a smiling man who spoke of enlightenment. The woman found herself not so young anymore and could not find a smiling face anywhere she looked.
Years later, the young man returns home with a shaved head and a robe and finds the same sorrow he left. Greed is a horrible thing, especially in a one income family. It is the person’s money and they know it. The partner may wish to have a nice home, to have one simple vacation but instead the money goes in a bank, lifeless and dead for no use will come of it. I am all for saving by the way, I am also for living.
The woman does find relief in the tales her son brings of places far away, she doesn’t agree with his religion but she is glad to hear of other places and things. The man cares less which has always been the case.
Through the thirty plus years the young man with a robe and shaved head has been back home, he sees the woman age and seldom smile, he witnesses sickness and disease take its toll. The word cancer shows up more than once, each time worse than before. Finally, a Doctor mentions the words ‘It is fatal’ and a son realizes how sad the life has been.
No words come to the man who sees an old face in the mirror looking back at him, no sayings, no scriptures, the words offer no comfort to him. Silence is all that remains and in that he meditates and prays for the woman who gave him life, the woman who could have had such a wonderful life if she had just changed a few simple choices. The irony sits heavy on the shoulders at times.
I hope people understand when I don’t write in the blog or leave a tweet or post on Facebook. A Son takes care of his Mother even if the care will lead to where he no longer sees her in his eyes anymore. The circle of life, the wheel of fortune does not always turn the way you expect, but it does turn.
May the Buddha Bless You.
That is really beautiful and powerful. Thank you for sharing your pain. May you find relief from it. Your mother is lucky, if for no other reason, because she has a son with a good heart who loves her dearly.
All my prayers and love for a Mother and a Son…
)
all my love for the good heart’s son and the wonderful mum
Blessings dear Caine
Lo mejor para el viaje
What a beautiful, heartfelt post….I have worked in hospice and have lost both my parents in the last 6 years (mom first, then dad last May). It is always different with our loved ones; it is just so close isn’t it? What I know for sure? There are no mistakes, there is no past or future for any of us, perhaps this will sound like advice but I can tell you with all certainty that meeting how you feeling face – to -face and being present with your Mother without a history could be a beautiful and profound experience. Thich Nhat Hanh says, the best gift we can offer another is our presence. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Many blessings _/|\_
You are a truly brilliant man and through you, your mother will find peace.
RR
What a beautiful post and what a wonderful son you are..
My belief is that each soul takes the gift of life to learn and grow. We are all connected in the circle of life. Each soul appears to help the other learn and grow. Sometimes we learn and grow in times of sadness and sorrow.
Your mother and you give each other the gift of giving and receiving.
Nothing ever dies, for our souls are eternal and we shall all meet again.
Your mother and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Many blessings to both of you.
Namaste.
A beautiful and at the same time, sad post. We have lost a loved one recently, my wife’s mother. It has been so hard for her…… I try to help, but can only offer a shoulder to cry upon.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your Mom and yourself, Caine.
Thank You.
As I sit here, at my desk at work, with tears in my eyes, my heart is heavy for you and your Mom. You are both in my daily prayers.
I love you fine Sir. Your strength is unmatched among men. May you be blessed!
I’m sorry to hear about your mother Caine and all her suffering. May you both find the happiness, safety, health and peace you deserve. Namaste
My husband and I have lost three of our parents in the last four years, with his mother dying of cancer in December. We are still reeling from her death. I am very sorry for you to be faced with this sorrow now, and the sorrow of what might have been. She is blessed to have your love and care. Please don’t worry about leaving a reply. Blessings and peace to you.
Blessings to you both. write when you can………….
I am praying for both of you
Dear Caine:
I am really touched for your story…i know your mother is very ill…my praying are with both of you….i wanted to share with you this link with meditations of a very good friend : Vide, hope some how could help you some way….much love to you Caine <3
http://dailylamrim.com/2012/05/17/avert-the-coming-horror/
Beautiful, thank you, truly thank you.
Wonderful!!
Caine